Appointments, appointments, appointments…

 The following week was a whirlwind.  I had an appointment with the general surgeon, Dr. Hamling, plastic surgeon, Dr. Lekkas, and genetic counselor.  I also had a breast MRI to assure there were no concerning areas of the left breast.  I remember one day having 2 appointments and a blood draw and thinking, “this is going to be my life from here on out.”  It’s amazing how overnight your health can change.  You go from seeing your OBGYN for your annual appointment and physical to receiving a diagnosis that will forever haunt your medical history.  Thank goodness I had decent life insurance and disability insurance prior to receiving this diagnosis.  

I immediately started researching treatment options for DCIS and after meeting with Dr. Hamling, he helped guide me on the best treatment options. There were really 3 options:  1.  A lumpectomy, followed by radiation and Tamoxifen for 5 years,  2.  Single mastectomy, followed by Tamoxifen for 5 years, or 3. Double mastectomy plus Tamoxifen for 5 years.  

Breast cancer has always scared me. I have had too many patients and known acquaintances who have had recurrent breast cancer down the road.  I felt a need to be aggressive, yet also understood the risk I was taking by being more aggressive.  I wanted to avoid radiation as well for a couple reasons:  Reconstruction after radiation is very difficult; you can only have radiation once so wanted to avoid it as long as possible; and d/t concerns about damage to my skin from the process.  Once I leaned my breast MRI showed my left breast was healthy and that my genetic testing was negative, I felt a single mastectomy was the way to go.  I just wanted to assure I got rid of all the cancer.  However, I felt a double mastectomy was overkill and would be even harder to recover from.  Surgery date was set for 3/21.  We enjoyed a spring break get a way to Nashville and Gatlinburg with friends before the big day.  It was the perfect distraction. 

D Day

 We all have certain dates we will never forget. Whether that day is significant because of a birthday, anniversary, worldly event or something else, every year when that date comes around it produces some visceral response.  Joy, sadness, anxiety, fear, memories of that day from years ago.  I’ve always been a numbers person and certain dates are more “pleasing” to me than others:  11/11, 2/22, 10/5, 9/16, 8/13 are all important numbers to me.  10 years ago, 9/6 became Justin’s diagnosis day. It’s hard to not remember exactly where I was and how I felt when we heard his devastating news.  More recently, 2/20 became a memorable day as this was the day I held my father’s hand as he took his last breath.  

I received perhaps the most shocking news 2/25/2022.  My D day.  The day I received a phone call stating that I have breast cancer.  I went on 2/14 for my annual mammogram. I had zero symptoms or concerns but I believe in regular health maintenance screening and had recently seen my OBGYN for my annual exam. She reminded me I would be due for my mammogram in February and encouraged me to schedule it.  So I did. I am so glad I didn’t decide to skip this year.  I reviewed the report later in the day on the 14th.  I knew what I was reading was concerning but I didn’t let it ruin the twins’ Valentines Day party I was planning to attend that afternoon.  I kept this news to myself for a couple days before sharing with Justin.  I didn’t think it was necessary to provoke worry if it isn’t necessary.  Unfortunately, mammograms have gotten a bad rap for false positive results.  Causing anxiety to numerous women every year as they wait for follow up testing, only to find out everything is ok.  This was in the back of my mind the entire time, however having the medical knowledge I have, I knew a “cluster of calcifications” in a pre-menopausal woman was not normal.  

The following Wednesday I had a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound which confirmed the concerning area. The following day I was set up for a biopsy.  The radiologist took 5 biopsies of the area to assure we got a good sample.  By the time the biopsy came, I was having a bit more anxiety about the possible diagnosis.  I was told I would receive a call the next day, early in the afternoon.  The anxiety of waiting brought back so many memories of when Justin was diagnosed and we were waiting for the results of his PET scan.  Similar to that time, we only had each other for support.  Friday I had clinic patients to see all morning.  Every time my phone rang, my heart rate would elevate and the anxiety would set in.  Shortly after seeing all my morning patients I was finishing up some charting when I received the call.  I stepped into an exam room and waited for the radiologist to tell me the news. 

She said the biopsy confirmed that I do have breast cancer, more specifically ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS).  From my research, this was the most likely diagnosis I would receive if it wasn’t benign.  I also knew that this is very treatable if caught early and I was hopeful I had caught this early.   The next moments were quite a blur.  I remember throwing my phone on the ground and crying.  I composed myself as well asI could and left the office, driving to the gym, my brief escape from what was happening.  I called Justin on the way to share the news before relieving some stress working out.  

It’s hard to know how to react when you receive unexpected news.  I’ve had daydreams in the past about being diagnosed with cancer and I remember thinking that Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” would be my go to mantra.  Never did I think this nightmare would actually occur.  The next few days, so many emotions went through me: shock, anger, sadness, denial.  I remember asking Justin when I got home that day if I had actually called him and told him I had breast cancer.  It was still hard to believe. 

A new date has been added to my list of significant dates.  I would love to forget about this one all together, but I am looking ahead to passing it by every year, still being in remission.  

Alena-12 years old

Alena Jane is turning 12.  The last year before those teenage years.  I am going to predict that your teenage years will not be all that horrible.  You are such a sweet, loving girl that I find it hard you will stray much from that.  

Over this last year you have obtained braces.  After having 4 teeth pulled, your braces were placed this past March. It was amazing how much your teeth moved even in those first couple weeks.  I am hopeful you won't need a full 2 years of braces as we are already in the "fine tuning" phase.  You adjusted well and followed the no popcorn/gummy candy rule for a while but lately have dabbled into those gummies again...

Last spring was also a crazy time as you were actually involved in 4 sports at one time:  softball, volleyball, basketball and soccer. It was not intended to be this crazy but we sort of overcommitted. Thankfully that craziness only lasted a few weeks.  You love all these sports and having to choose between them is very difficult.  You continue to excel at all of them as well.  You have become a fabulous basketball player, to add to your soccer and softball skills.  I am most impressed with how much you have improved in volleyball.  We decided to pass on club volleyball this year (except with Woodward Granger) but you tried out and made two local teams.  I think this is your sport. 

We love watching your friendships grow.  You have a sweet, group of friends who have similar likes and personalities. I love that our small school will allow all of you to remain together from 6th grade to 12th.  You are your goofy, outgoing self around these friends and it is refreshing to see.  

Alena, you are so special to us.  I look at you daily and am in awe of the person you are becoming.  I now look up to you as you have outgrown me.  You are more mature than most 12 year olds, are incredibly intelligent, and a naturally gifted athlete.  Along with being a responsible daughter, a loving sister, and a great Parker hugger, you are beautiful inside and out.  Happy 12th Birthday!

What is your favorite color?  Yellow

What is your favorite toy? Fidgets

What is your favorite fruit?  Apples 

What is your favorite movie? Remember the Titans

What is your favorite TV show?  The Thundermans

What is your favorite thing to wear?  Leggings and sweatshirts

What is your favorite animal? Seal

What is your favorite song? High Hopes

What is your favorite book? Terrupt Series

Who is your favorite friend?  Claire Modracek

What is your favorite snack?  Cheez-its

What is your favorite drink?  Sprite

What is your favorite breakfast food?  Pancakes

What is your favorite dinner? Cheeseburger

What is your favorite place to go? Gulf Shores

What is your favorite game?  Word Slam

What is your favorite thing to do outside?  Play Basketball

What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas

What do you sleep with? Eeyore, Squishmallow, weighted blanket, other stuffies

What do you want to be when you grow up? Pediatric Ophthalmologist 

Twins-9 years old

Happy 9th Birthday Caleb and Lauren.  This was the fastest year ever, despite still dealing with COVID-19. As expected we are going to have to learn to live with this virus and that is what we are doing.  I would say that our year has been pretty "normal."  We were just as busy, if not busier than previously with all your sports and activities. I can still remember being so scared when you were born early and were so so little.  Those NICU days seem like yesterday so it's hard to believe it was 9 years ago.  

Since we didn't do parties last year due to COVID, we let you both have a friend party. Of course, you wanted separate parties which always makes the Fall even crazier for me while I plan 2 parties around our numerous activities.  

Lauren went with an art theme for her party and had a small get together at Painting With a Twist.  Her and her friends painted a canvas painting that she chose, with guidance from the artist at the studio.  They all turned out very cute.  

Caleb invited his friends to Urban Air; a trampoline/zipline/VR place.  His entire basketball team was invited, along with a couple other friends from school.  It was nice hosting away from home but I think next year we will stick to a couple small at home parties.  

Lauren, what a joy you are.  Your mind is constantly thinking and processing things.  You definitely received the early bird genes from your mom and dad.  You are often the first one awake and most of the time are in a really good mood.  You are constantly chatting in the morning, while your brother and sister are a little slower to wake up.    Like most girls, you are a worrier and frequently wonder if your friends like you or are mad at you.  This is something we are frequently processing through.  We know you are a great friend and I especially love that you are good friends with both boys and girls. You remain busy with dance and gymnastics but are starting to love traditional sports as well, especially basketball and softball. This year you played with older girls for both sports and held your own.  You are competitive, (not as much as your brother), but become a little emotional when you don't feel you did as well as you should have, (even if you happened to get a victory).  You inherited my sweet tooth and are not a big eater, except for hitting that candy drawer after dinner.  We continue to love your spunk, hilarious personality, motivation and positive attitude.  What an amazing little person you are becoming.  

What is your favorite color?  Teal

What is your favorite toy?  Mini Brands
What is your favorite fruit?   Apples
What is your favorite movie? Jumanji
What is your favorite TV show?  The Thundermans
What is your favorite thing to wear?  Sweatshirts
What is your favorite animal? Dolphins
What is your favorite song? Voices
What is your favorite book? My Weird School
Who is your favorite friend? Jules Modracek 
What is your favorite snack?  Cheeseballs
What is your favorite drink?  Sprite
What is your favorite breakfast food?  Crepes
What is your favorite dinner? Steak
What is your favorite place to go?  Home
What is your favorite game?  Monopoly
What is your favorite thing to do outside?  Play in the Snow
What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas
What do you sleep with? Stuffed animals/blankets

What do you want to be when you grow up? Veterinarian 

Caleb, you continue to become more and more boy every year.  I never knew boys went through pants and socks as much as they do.  If you are not playing with a ball in your hand, you don't know what to do with yourself.  You continue to love playing and watching all sports.  Over this last year,  you enjoyed flag football, baseball, basketball and soccer.  You have quite a bit of talent in everything you do. We hope you continue to focus on each sport as the season comes, working to improve.  You are so fun to watch.  You remain so competitive; at times a bit too much.  We are working on trying to reel this in a bit.  Even things not related to sports are a competition to you!  For a 9 year old, you eat A LOT! I suppose I should be used to this as it is only going to be worse.  We love your adventure to try new foods.  You continue to make friends easily and are very social in school.  You don't love school but you excel in it.  I feel like you have grown up the most over the last two years and love who you are becoming as well. 

What is your favorite color?  Green

What is your favorite toy? Laser Tag
What is your favorite fruit?   Watermelon
What is your favorite movie? The Grinch (animated)
What is your favorite TV show?  Ninjago
What is your favorite thing to wear?  Shorts and t-shirt
What is your favorite animal? Lion
What is your favorite song? Shooting Stars-Owl city
What is your favorite book? Magic Treehouse Series
Who is your favorite friend?  Kellen Velky, Jayden Fineran, Gavin Velky
What is your favorite snack?  Animal Crackers
What is your favorite drink?  Diet Pepsi
What is your favorite breakfast food?  Doughnuts
What is your favorite dinner? Waffles
What is your favorite place to go?  Florida
What is your favorite game?  Doghouse
What is your favorite thing to do outside?  Play basketball
What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas
What do you sleep with?  Bears blanket and big stuffed dog
What do you want to be when you grow up?  Pro Basketball player

COVID-19 Part 2

 I really dislike writing about something everyone in the world is sick of talking about, but I want my children to remember what life has been like over the last 10 months. The craziness of this universe because of a virus that has now killed over 400,000 Americans. 

In March 2020, the first case of COVID 19 appeared in Iowa.  Schools were shut down for the year, people were told to stay home and quarantine.  Restaurants closed, activities were canceled, vacations postponed, and fear became a reality for everyone.  Nobody knew exactly what would happen months down the road nor how long this pandemic would last.  The last pandemic was 100 years ago; none of us had ever faced anything like this before. 

My last post was written when COVID was just beginning. We were only about a month into this new craziness.  We never went back to school last spring but finished the school year at home. This was very challenging for two working parents, more so for Justin who was home all the time, (and still hasn’t gone back to work).  It’s clear to say, my children didn’t learn as much at home as they would have should they have gone to school.  When school ended, our schedule didn’t change too much. Instead of necessary online school work, we went into “summer mode” and the kids read and had work books to do during the day, along with chores, before they were able to spend time with their friends. 

We limited our time with others for a while but it really became quite challenging and mentally difficulty for everyone. It was hard for the kids to see other friends playing together, yet they couldn’t play with them. It did allow us to enjoy some amazing time together as a family of 5 buy let’s be honest, my kids NEEDED other friends to play with.  I was also unsure how our neighborhood friends felt about my daily possibly exposure to COVID in my line of work.  Soon we let down our guard and allowed the kiddos to hang out with the other 3 families we are very close with.  The adults also started hanging out together (usually outdoor gatherings), and immediately everyone’s mood improved.  This was a clear indication how important being with others is to our well being.  

Alena was able to begin softball in June, but Caleb and Lauren did not have spring sports.  We were so thankful to be able to at least do something!  Our visits with Grandma were limited but she did attend Alena’s softball games when able.  

Besides playing with friends in the neighborhood and going to a softball game here and there, we didn’t so much else.  Occasionally we would pick up dinner from a restaurant but eating out was not part of our routine.  I would get our groceries since I was the one who was out five days a week to work. We did plan a small get away to Great Wolf Lodge in MN with the girls. We had a good time but I think we were all a bit fearful of getting COVID while we were there.  Caleb wasn’t able come as he had a freak accident the night before we were about to leave, (more on that in a different post).  We also ventured to Myrtle Beach in August just before school started.  Traveling on an airplane, in airports, in a new city was definitely a risk.  Masks were worn everywhere but I still held my breath for 2 weeks after we returned from vacation, hoping we would not come down with COVID, or infect anyone who came around us after our vacation. 

Our amazing school district developed a plan to allow kids to have school full time in person safely.  There were a few students who chose to do school full time online, therefore teachers had to develop lesson plans for in person and online learning students.  I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for all our amazing teachers.  Many schools in Iowa have not been doing in person learning this whole time and my brother and family have been learning at home this entire school year thus far.  We cannot say enough about our small, fabulous school district-Woodward Granger!  

This fall, the kids were able to begin all their sports. We were busy with soccer, softball, football, gymnastics and dance.  Masks were required for most sports, (at least walking on and off the field), but the COVID numbers in Iowa and throughout the country started to climb in November.  Sports were then shut down for a couple weeks while things settled down.  

Holidays were very different for everyone this year. The health departments, urged people to not have large gatherings, stating if you want to see your family next Thanksgiving, don’t see them this Thanksgiving.  Justin and I had just traveled to St. Lucia for a week right before Thanksgiving so just the five of us celebrated together.  I successfully made the entire Thanksgiving dinner!  

For Christmas we did spend Christmas Eve in Ames with Grandma Joyce but everyone wore masks. We did not go to church and ordered in Chinese food.  Christmas Day was spent as a family of 5 and it was perfect. 

Our lives now are still a bit restricted but we are hopeful the end is in sight.  A vaccine is now available.  Currently health care workers, teachers, those in care centers and those over 65 are able to be vaccinated.  It is a series of two vaccines. I have received my first one and will receive my second one next week.  However we will likely still be donning these masks for a little while and limiting outings.  This has just become our new norm. I am so thankful our kids remain in school and have gotten used to wearing masks throughout the school day.  We are also amazed that they can still participate in all the activities they love!  

Alena-11 Years Old!

Eleven!?  What an amazing number. I hope this is going to be a fabulous year for you.  We cannot believe it has been 11 years since you entered our lives and made us parents.  Every day you amaze us and make us so proud.  What a picture perfect child you have been. You are brilliant, a competitor, a caring sister, an empathetic friend, and overall an amazing person to be around.  I have loved this stage so much. I know some day you will not want to hang out with mom and dad but for now I am going to relish every single day with you.  

Fifth grade is off to a great start. You were student of the month in your class this month and are learning so many new things. We dusted the cobwebs off my trumpet and you are playing this in band.  You are also busy with your select soccer team through North Polk, a tournament softball team and volleyball through Granger Parks and Rec.  Your natural athletic ability makes all sports fun for you and you remain pretty competitive.  

You are 5' 2.5" inches and weigh 90 pounds. We wear the same size shoes and are close to wearing the same size clothes as well.  Soon this will be beneficial for me and I predict your selection of clothes will grow massively as well, (knowing I will obtain these clothes eventually).  I wish you were becoming a less picky eater as the years go by but that is not the case.  You will, however, at least try new foods every once in a while and sometimes find something new that you like.  

We are so blessed to have you in our lives and are so proud of the individual you are becoming. 

 What is your favorite color?  Yellow

What is your favorite toy? Squismallow
What is your favorite fruit?   Strawberries
What is your favorite movie? Middle School
What is your favorite TV show?  Liv and Maddie
What is your favorite thing to wear?  Shorts and T shirt
What is your favorite animal? Panda
What is your favorite song? Dynamite
What is your favorite book? Her Own Two Feet
Who is your favorite friend?  Claire Modracek
What is your favorite snack?  Popcorn
What is your favorite drink?  Coke
What is your favorite breakfast food?  Doughnuts 
What is your favorite dinner? Cheeseburger
What is your favorite place to go?  Florida
What is your favorite game?  Yahtzee
What is your favorite thing to do outside?  Play sports
What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas
What do you sleep with? Eeyore, other stuffies, squishmallow
What do you want to be when you grow up? Pediatric Ophthalmologist 

Twins - 8th Birthday

 E-I-G-H-T!?  How is this possible?  Two second graders? Happy, happy birthday Lauren and Caleb.  Fall is always a favorite time of year for me, and even though I know your birthday is technically still in summer, it is close enough to fall that I round up to the next season. As always we are incredibly busy with activities that it is a good thing Justin and I have a combined calendar on our phones to keep track of where we are going each night. We are basically taxiing kids from activity to activity nightly.  During this time it is so difficult to also plan two separate birthday parties, (which has been a necessity for the last couple years).  With COVID in the mix this year, we decided to just have the 11 neighbor kids over for cookie cake and ice cream. It was a simple, but perfect celebration with friends we have been around with the most over the last 6 months.  They have become our neighborhood cousins!  

Caleb: 

You are excelling in second grade and enjoying school.  As always, you continue to love numbers and I remain so impressed with your math skills. You argue with me every day about having to complete your daily reading but I do know that years from now you will thank me :).  You are an excellent reader as well and especially love reading non-fiction books about certain topics; most recently sharks and anything sport related.  Your personality is very laid back, easy going, a friend to all, a nuisance to your sisters, and an occasional frustration to your parents when you lack motivation to do something independently even when we know you have the brains to do it!  As you always have you make friends easily and people want to be around you.  I remember watching you at your first soccer practice this fall. You only knew one person on the team but by the end of the practice, you were laughing and talking to everyone and some kid I didn't know came up to you at the end asking to race you to the playground and talking about a playdate in the future.  

I know I have said this before, but a few years ago we didn't know if you would be interested in playing sports and we would have been completely fine with this.  Then you decided to try a couple different sports and haven't looked back since.  Now you are involved in 4 sports and love every one of them.  You also excel in each of them. No matter what season it is, you entertain yourself doing something related to baseball, football, basketball, or soccer, and many days two, three, or all 4 of these sports are played. I have watched you from the living room all summer, throwing a football or baseball to yourself, playing your own little game in your head. Or shooting baskets by yourself outside, not wanting anyone to rebound for you.  Or occasionally kicking the soccer ball around with your older sister.  Although it makes for some crazy schedules, we let you participate in all and every sport you want to.  You love them all; we love watching you compete; and you have a natural athletic ability that allows you to play and excel in whatever you do.  

You grew almost 3 inches over the last year and weigh 70 pounds! I have no idea where this weight is as you don't appear to weigh that much but you are just solid.  We think you are built more like your Uncle James or Uncle Jerod and are so curious to see how tall you will end up.  I would say that over the year you have become a pickier eater and I often hear your complaints about the evening meal on a nightly basis. Regardless you usually eat fairly well.  I am trying to teach you to eat slower-we have no idea where this trait came from as both Justin and I are the slowest eaters on the planet. 

Happy Birthday to my son!  We love you and are so proud of you.  You are so fun to be around and we love watching you do what you love the best! 

What is your favorite color? Red 

What is your favorite toy?  A football

What is your favorite fruit?   Cantaloupe

What is your favorite movie? Diary of a Whimpy Kid
What is your favorite TV show?  Fuller House
What is your favorite thing to wear? Iowa Hawkeye shirts
What is your favorite animal?  Lion
What is your favorite song? Dynamite
What is your favorite book? Shark Books
Who is your favorite friend?  Kellen Velky
What is your favorite snack?  Gummy bears
What is your favorite drink?  Diet Coke
What is your favorite breakfast food?  Doughnuts
What is your favorite dinner?  Cheeseburgers
What is your favorite place to go?  Florida
What is your favorite game?  Ga Ga Ball
What is your favorite thing to do outside?  Play Football
What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas
What do you sleep with? Bears blanket
What do you want to be when you grow up?  A football player

Lauren:

What a little personality you have now.  We have FINALLY made it through the whining stage into the fun, love to be around stage of Lauren Wray Schaack.  You are hilarious. Justin and I say this daily.  You have the best comments and they are absolutely appropriate and timely on most occasions.  What is even better, is you are not trying to be funny.  I still need to keep a list of the amazing "laurenisms" you say as one day I want to look back and remember these.  You remain spunky and a bit sassy. You are occasionally bossy with some of your friends, (as they are with you at times). You are still my emotional one and I wouldn't want that to change.  On many occasions, at bedtime, you become sad about Papa being gone or Milo being in heaven. The other day right after your birthday, you brought up that Papa had missed two of your birthdays. You write him letters and place them in the pocket of the pillow made from one of his shirts.  These moments are so hard and make me sad as well but I love the extra hugs and cuddles on these evenings.  You have many friends and like to do whatever your friends are doing or wear what you are wearing. I am trying to teach you the importance of being an individual. You LOVE to talk and remain the loudest person in our house. 

You have remained active in dance and gymnastics. You also do volleyball and softball and have a talent for both of these sports as well.  You are not as competitive as your siblings but you enjoy being with your friends.  You also excel in school, both math and reading and you especially love art class. You were so disappointed when I told you that you would be in the same class with Caleb with this year, (due to COVID), and would be sharing the same locker.  However, I think you have enjoyed being in the same class together because you are learning the same things and can talk about events from the day together.  

I didn't think you would be as tall as your sister but I may be wrong. You seem to be sprouting up however, but you are a skinny minnie!  You lost 4 pounds over the last 6 months. Eating food at mealtime has been a challenge for you and you would prefer to snack your way through the day.  

Thank you for keeping us on our toes every day, and making us laugh, sigh and occasionally shrug our shoulders.  We love your personality and hope you never change!  

We are so thankful that the two of you came into your lives 8 years ago.  We cannot imagine life without you!  Having twins has been the most amazing experience and we love how similar and different you two are. 

What is your favorite color?  Teal
What is your favorite toy?  Slime
What is your favorite fruit?   Watermelon
What is your favorite movie? Descendents 3
What is your favorite TV show?  Fuller House
What is your favorite thing to wear?  Shorts
What is your favorite animal? Cheetah
What is your favorite song? Watermelon Sugar
What is your favorite book? Diary of a Whimpy Kid
Who is your favorite friend?  Emersen Rauterkus, Kyla Vekly, Jules Modracek
What is your favorite snack?  Goldfish
What is your favorite drink?  Sprite
What is your favorite breakfast food?  Waffles
What is your favorite dinner?  Steak
What is your favorite place to go?  Disney Cruise
What is your favorite game?  Monopoly
What is your favorite thing to do outside?  Jump on the Trampoline
What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas
What do you sleep with?  Lots of blankets and pillows and many stuffies
What do you want to be when you grow up? A veterinarian