Appointments, appointments, appointments…

 The following week was a whirlwind.  I had an appointment with the general surgeon, Dr. Hamling, plastic surgeon, Dr. Lekkas, and genetic counselor.  I also had a breast MRI to assure there were no concerning areas of the left breast.  I remember one day having 2 appointments and a blood draw and thinking, “this is going to be my life from here on out.”  It’s amazing how overnight your health can change.  You go from seeing your OBGYN for your annual appointment and physical to receiving a diagnosis that will forever haunt your medical history.  Thank goodness I had decent life insurance and disability insurance prior to receiving this diagnosis.  

I immediately started researching treatment options for DCIS and after meeting with Dr. Hamling, he helped guide me on the best treatment options. There were really 3 options:  1.  A lumpectomy, followed by radiation and Tamoxifen for 5 years,  2.  Single mastectomy, followed by Tamoxifen for 5 years, or 3. Double mastectomy plus Tamoxifen for 5 years.  

Breast cancer has always scared me. I have had too many patients and known acquaintances who have had recurrent breast cancer down the road.  I felt a need to be aggressive, yet also understood the risk I was taking by being more aggressive.  I wanted to avoid radiation as well for a couple reasons:  Reconstruction after radiation is very difficult; you can only have radiation once so wanted to avoid it as long as possible; and d/t concerns about damage to my skin from the process.  Once I leaned my breast MRI showed my left breast was healthy and that my genetic testing was negative, I felt a single mastectomy was the way to go.  I just wanted to assure I got rid of all the cancer.  However, I felt a double mastectomy was overkill and would be even harder to recover from.  Surgery date was set for 3/21.  We enjoyed a spring break get a way to Nashville and Gatlinburg with friends before the big day.  It was the perfect distraction. 

D Day

 We all have certain dates we will never forget. Whether that day is significant because of a birthday, anniversary, worldly event or something else, every year when that date comes around it produces some visceral response.  Joy, sadness, anxiety, fear, memories of that day from years ago.  I’ve always been a numbers person and certain dates are more “pleasing” to me than others:  11/11, 2/22, 10/5, 9/16, 8/13 are all important numbers to me.  10 years ago, 9/6 became Justin’s diagnosis day. It’s hard to not remember exactly where I was and how I felt when we heard his devastating news.  More recently, 2/20 became a memorable day as this was the day I held my father’s hand as he took his last breath.  

I received perhaps the most shocking news 2/25/2022.  My D day.  The day I received a phone call stating that I have breast cancer.  I went on 2/14 for my annual mammogram. I had zero symptoms or concerns but I believe in regular health maintenance screening and had recently seen my OBGYN for my annual exam. She reminded me I would be due for my mammogram in February and encouraged me to schedule it.  So I did. I am so glad I didn’t decide to skip this year.  I reviewed the report later in the day on the 14th.  I knew what I was reading was concerning but I didn’t let it ruin the twins’ Valentines Day party I was planning to attend that afternoon.  I kept this news to myself for a couple days before sharing with Justin.  I didn’t think it was necessary to provoke worry if it isn’t necessary.  Unfortunately, mammograms have gotten a bad rap for false positive results.  Causing anxiety to numerous women every year as they wait for follow up testing, only to find out everything is ok.  This was in the back of my mind the entire time, however having the medical knowledge I have, I knew a “cluster of calcifications” in a pre-menopausal woman was not normal.  

The following Wednesday I had a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound which confirmed the concerning area. The following day I was set up for a biopsy.  The radiologist took 5 biopsies of the area to assure we got a good sample.  By the time the biopsy came, I was having a bit more anxiety about the possible diagnosis.  I was told I would receive a call the next day, early in the afternoon.  The anxiety of waiting brought back so many memories of when Justin was diagnosed and we were waiting for the results of his PET scan.  Similar to that time, we only had each other for support.  Friday I had clinic patients to see all morning.  Every time my phone rang, my heart rate would elevate and the anxiety would set in.  Shortly after seeing all my morning patients I was finishing up some charting when I received the call.  I stepped into an exam room and waited for the radiologist to tell me the news. 

She said the biopsy confirmed that I do have breast cancer, more specifically ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS).  From my research, this was the most likely diagnosis I would receive if it wasn’t benign.  I also knew that this is very treatable if caught early and I was hopeful I had caught this early.   The next moments were quite a blur.  I remember throwing my phone on the ground and crying.  I composed myself as well asI could and left the office, driving to the gym, my brief escape from what was happening.  I called Justin on the way to share the news before relieving some stress working out.  

It’s hard to know how to react when you receive unexpected news.  I’ve had daydreams in the past about being diagnosed with cancer and I remember thinking that Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” would be my go to mantra.  Never did I think this nightmare would actually occur.  The next few days, so many emotions went through me: shock, anger, sadness, denial.  I remember asking Justin when I got home that day if I had actually called him and told him I had breast cancer.  It was still hard to believe. 

A new date has been added to my list of significant dates.  I would love to forget about this one all together, but I am looking ahead to passing it by every year, still being in remission.